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Sunday, January 8, 2012

The Science Of Flirting



"It begins and ends with eye contact, because if she realizes you haven’t focused on her eyes for even two consecutive seconds, the game is over before it ever really begins."



  • Eye contact is a powerful means of flirting.
  • Body language has been proved to have more of an impact than verbal communication.
  • Flirting is so exciting because neither of you know what it will lead to.


  • Flirting can be one of the more pleasant and exciting aspects of life. It can be a heady experience that causes the heart to beat faster, and the result of a blush and downcast eyes is oddly but undeniably satisfying. The idea that flirtation has become the sole province of females is erroneous; the mere act of tossing someone a significant glance can be considered flirting and, for that reason alone, men play an equal role in the drama.
    But this is a dance that requires carefully placed and well-timed steps, and it’s long past time to dispose of your tricks, techniques and pickup lines. Let us turn to science and the ongoing study of social interaction to guide our dance steps. You may be surprised at the amount of knowledge you don’t yet have on the science of flirting.

    It all begins with eye contact

    Actually, it begins and ends with eye contact, because if she realises you haven’t focused on her eyes for even two consecutive seconds, she'll lose attention before you even say a word. As the Social Issues Research Centre put it: “Your eyes are probably your most important flirting tool… they are also extremely high-powered transmitters of vital social signals.” Eye contact is extraordinarily powerful, so it’s important to walk the line between intensity and subtlety, which is why we usually restrict direct eye contact to only a second or two. This all falls in line with The Player’s very simple method of making more eye contact when listening and averting your gaze a bit more when speaking.

    Keep communication honest and balanced
    While it remains true that men and women are often at odds in regard to communication, it’s still possible to strike up an engaging, entertaining discussion without posturing. Both sexes can be guilty of bending the truth and altering their behaviour, and posturing and untruths (unintentional, though they may be) are often prevalent in a first conversation. This is a bad idea. For example, a man who orients his actions and speech toward seduction, which is nothing more than an invented personality. The same goes for girls who say “I love you” just so they can hear men say the same words. Obviously, the key is to avoid the mind games, keep it simple and, as the article states, “Let the authentic reward come to you.”


    Never underestimate body language

    The numbers have been confirmed time and time again. The science of flirting is a popular subject among researchers and love seekers alike, and in terms of importance, body language always seems to top the list. The BBC’s comprehensive look at love and flirting has revealed that 55% of all given and received messages come from body language. Only 7% is in the words we say. As you can see, the advice involved in the column is to accept this, embrace it and, in some cases, “match their moves.” In other words, come to recognise the concept of “mirroring.” It shows reciprocated interest and places both parties on equal footing, which is something that is of great interest to the ladies. But above all else, just ditch the pickup lines and other verbal techniques, because that 7% ain’t gonna help much. Paul Newman, a man among men, was a “student of human moves” in The Color of Money. You should be too.





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